Nov 23, 2009

AOL rises from the grave to deliver this very important message

AOL has a new logo/brand ID.

It makes no sense...mainly because it accomplishes nothing.

In fact the viewing process is so poorly done that it can only be compared to watching a slideshow made by people who just recently discovered google image search.

Jump the link for the video release in all its unholy glory.

Nov 19, 2009

...and vampires.

Somehow slipped my mind.
But one quick StumbleUpon later, now I have this.
A nekkid vampire/Ryan-Reynolds-with-a-5-o'clock-and-bird-dookie-in-his-hair themed menstrual pad for chunky days.

Seriously ladies. WHAT THE F.

p.s. I know some of you are going to try and buy this, but evidently there were enough die-hard Twilight fans out there that they've since sold out.

ugh, I feel like I've opened the Pandora's Box of disgusting fantasies.

The Internet <3s

1) Lists. Apparently this is all our poor, underused attention spans are capable of handling now.
2) Pictures of you cat with obligatory poorly worded caption "from the cat's point of view" - for when you run out of lists
3) Kanye West
4) Pirates, Ninjas, and Zombies.
5) "Leaked" Celebrity Sex Tapes....yeah, that's totally not getting a link

If you can go a single day without stumbling across one of these items, you're to be commended. Looks like today isn't going to be your day though, haha.

Nov 15, 2009


Maybe it's the fact that thing's have been hectic lately--especially after moving back to San Diego. I'd imagine it has something to do with my personal love affair with my short attention span. But for whatever reason, I cannot stand to sit around the house for longer than a few hours at a time. I need to constantly be in motion, and when my momentum finally runs out, it feels weird.

I guess I can always take solace in the fact that I'm living up to my user name.

Nov 14, 2009

The Boob Trap

Women like being checked out. By men, by other women, it doesn't matter. By paying attention to her, people pay tribute to their figure, form, or sense of fashion. People dress up so they can get noticed.

Now some people will argue against this and claim that they dress up for themselves--so they feel pretty. To which I reply: how do you know when you look good? By referencing other fashionable people, by the looks you get from other people, by reading fashion magazines written & published by people. Your life is determined by the arbitrary measuring stick of society. You dress to match society's definition of beauty. SUCK IT.

The problem arises when guys get caught and I have seen dudes get reamed for this. This only happens when the girl sees the guy as lower value and all of a sudden, this poor guy is at fault for having the AUDACITY to look. Women, check out dudes all the time---its just harder to tell as they have a larger scope of peripheral vision.

Why is it suddenly a problem when a guy returns the favor. Got a problem with people checking out your cleavage? Then stop wearing that V neck.

Nov 13, 2009

The 90s

Choose your own adventure books
Berry Berry Kix
Super Nintendo

Bowl cuts
Short shorts for men
Wearing a Tennis Visor backwards and thinking it was cool

Sarah Palin
Possibly short shorts in general. Seriously, how the hell do you girls run in those things?

Nov 11, 2009

Flow of conciousness

If this were Facebook, my status would be something along the lines of "is glad he's finally got hair again." However, since I recently made fun of a friend for being addicted to said book o' faces, I feel obligated to tone down my presence there lest I fall into ye old pit trap of hypocrisy. So instead we go to the older, more narcissistic medium of talking at great length about our thoughts and publishing them for future generations to ignore with marked disinterest while they blog their thoughts into the collective void.

Least I have chicken. Mmmmm SweetFire Chickennnnn.

Nov 10, 2009

Ongka's Big Moka

After having celebrated my Mom's birthday the previous weekend, I came to realize a couple of things about the yearly celebration of your unexpectedly continued existence:

1) It is the unwritten rule of birthday tradition that no one is allowed to sing the Happy Birthday Song well. If you are going to sing, you will do so BADLY and with minimal begrudging enthusiasm.

2) Once you get some disposable income it becomes impossible purchase a meaningful gift for you. If you wanted something a month ago, you probably already have it unless you've got willpower and lifestyle of an ascetic monk.

3) Your birthday is a chance for you to hang out with friends and enjoy your small heap of presents...up until the time you turn 18. At which point it immediately becomes an excuse for your friends compete to see who can give you alcohol poisoning first.

Thank god for Pepcid AC.

Nov 7, 2009

New format

Haha clearly I've been doing a bad job of keeping this thing updated. It's been a few months and not a peep. Fear not. Gonna post a little blurb every Mon, Wed, and Friday. Possibly more if you're good. Kiss those monolithic ramblings from yesteryear goodbye, though.

SO I've started listening to hypnosis tapes before going to bed.
They claim to be able to do fun things like improve my memory (which I need) or make me quit smoking (which I don't need). Strangely enough, the overwhelming thought here isn't whether or not its working....its whether I'm actually being hypnotized.

About half the time I just knock out coz its so boring and wake up in time to catch the outro. The other half of the time I spend wondering why I'm listening to an audio file on smoking cessation. I guess someday I'll have a coherent reason, but tonight, the "hypnosis" continues.